In part I of this two part series, we addressed the question of why women flake. We laid out 9 reasons and then a 10th, all pervasive reason: she is looking for strength and is hungry for communication she perceives she can trust.
I also made the point that it is important to avoid two responses, because both of them smack of being needy and being needy turns women off.
I told you to avoid being angry/losing control and also to avoid
whining and begging.
In this issue, I will show you how to construct some word for word responses to these flaky scenarios to give these girls a fighting chance to re-qualify for the right to compete to be in your bed! (How is that for attitude!)
The Incredible Power Of Implication
Now, a sub-principle I teach is this: whatever you can get a woman to imagine, will be perceived by her as being HER OWN THOUGHT, because she imagined it, and therefore she will not resist it.
What you have to argue or pressure or give reasons to a woman about, even if it is really in her own best interests, will be
perceived as coming from outside of herself and will usually be
Now, one good tool to get around this “resistance barrier” is
When you imply something, rather than clearly state it, the
listener has to fill in the blank with their own imagination, so the thought appears to be coming from inside of their own mind.
Let me give you a simple example. Suppose you weren’t returning
my calls, for whatever reason.
If I called you up and directly said, “If you don’t return my call I won’t call you back any more. I’m not going to chase after you to try to make you be my friend” you would probably think I’m quite a jerk-off and would probably not call me back.
If instead, I wanted to IMPLY that I wasn’t going to call you back again after this, I’d say something like, “Hey, it’s dick and I thought I’d give it a last shot at getting a chance to talk. People get busy and have their own reasons but you just seemed like someone worth SOME work at befriending. You can call me back at: 12345”
So what does that message imply?
1. I’m not calling again. How does it imply this? By using the
words “last shot”.
2. I’m busy too and it’s ok with me if you are busy. That’s not a reason not to return a call. How does it imply this? “People get busy”. Notice I didn’t SAY that I am busy or that you are busy. I used the vague term “People”.
3. I have my doubts about you but I’m cool enough to give you a shot at proving my doubts are wrong and my initial good assessment was right. How do I imply this? By saying you SEEMED like someone worth SOME work at befriending. SEEMED implies maybe I was wrong. SOME work implies that I didn’t place THAT high an estimate on you, so you have some work to do to live up to my standards.
Now, this message still might not work at all. But by using this
implication, it gives you a chance to get off your ass just in case you were distracted by other things, and reach out for the opportunity.
Using Frames And Positioning
Notice also, the message allows me to position myself as someone
with a lot of good stuff going on who is NOT needy and who is
totally cool about letting it all go. I’m saying I will NOT chase you down but I WILL give you a shot at proving you are a cool person. So I set a frame of strength and that YOU are the one who is going to miss out.
By the way, depending on how much has already gone on and happened between us, I might actually blatantly state that we are BOTH going to miss out, but even there I will use implication to make you wonder exactly HOW you might be missing out, so YOU will fill in the blank and imagine it!
For example, on more than one occasion, I’ve let this message for women, after having a seemingly wonderful first encounter(whether that meant making out, going full Monty or whatever) and then not having calls returned:
“Hey Debby, it’s Ross. Well, I just thought I’d give it a last shot at seeing whether spending time again is something you realize YOU WANT TO DO. You know, if we don’t it will be a loss for me, but maybe what you haven’t yet realized is, it will be a loss for you as well..maybe in ways you haven’t yet considered. And losing is something no one wants to do. So you can call me back at: 555-1212”.
Now, there is something else in this message: I am approaching from a position of vulnerability without need. I am admitting I will feel some loss(so I don’t come off as an arrogant moron) yet it is not done with any begging tonality or need.
Remember, I leave these messages with a very matter-of-fact tone, as if I were telling someone, “hey, your shoe is untied”. It’s very matter-of-fact, evenly paced, even toned, with very little emotion.
If you can show SOME vulnerability but do it from strength and convey no need, you make a powerful message.
Again, it sets the frame of someone who has SOME interest, but
doesn’t need them and that you can walk away.
Also, look at how I get her to consider how it might be a loss for her without saying exactly what that loss might be.
Sure, she might just think, “Who cares? Screw off!”
In that case, nothing would have worked anyway.
No Punish, No Pressure, No Push
But remember, assuming one of the 10 reasons for flaking is at
play and she is just distracted or a little scared, this message
gives her a chance to step back up to the plate and show some
better behavior your way, without making her feel punished,
pressured or pushed!
It’s a “take or leave it” thing you are presenting, but a
gentle, non-threatening, non-needy…
Take It Or Leave It!
Remember, the reality is, we don’t know what her situation is.
By staying vague, sticking to the facts as you do know them, and
presenting the right frame, you give the situation and her a
fighting chance to work for you, all the while preserving your
morale, self-esteem and self-respect.
Another Word For Word Example
Here is a message I left for a woman-she had given me a couple
of massages and seemed to have a more personal interest in me.
We met for coffee and she was wildly responsive to me(people
were staring at us getting closer and closer at the coffee
Then, for some reason, she flaked on a meeting and stopped
returning my calls.
So here is the message I left her, along with my analysis. The
message I left is in “quotes” an directly below each line, I
give my comments on what I am doing.
“Hey Amber, it’s dick. So, I’m just wondering what is going
This just identifies me and why I am calling.
“You haven’t returned my calls and then you flaked on a meeting”
This tells her what behavior I am addressing. It is also matter
of factually pacing the situation, stating what is going on.
“You know, I thought you and I were at least BECOMING friends”
This tells her that I now have doubts about her. And it gives
her a safe way to temporarily think about our situation with
less pressure if she is feeling pressured or scared. By using
the “f” word I can back her up a bit and I feel ok doing this
because I got such strong responses during the coffee sarge. As
long as YOU use this label first, before she does, it doesn’t
present the danger of you being put in the “friends” box.
“But this doesn’t feel like the way friends treat friends”
Here, you are implying that you deserve a higher standard of
treatment than what she is giving you. Why? Because you and she are not strangers. Also, it is vague: according to whom does it not feel like the way friends treat friends? You are deleting who is making the judgment, so it has a hypnotic effect.
“At best it feels distracted and at worst, it feels thoughtless”
You are showing that you understand there is more than one possibility: maybe she ISN’T being a rude bitch and is just really busy and distracted. You are HOPING she will prove that your best thoughts about her are true and that your worst thoughts about her are NOT true, but you aren’t sure which right now. Maybe you were wrong about the good thoughts you had about her!
In either case, it sets the frame that she has to prove herself to you now!
Notice, you have implied all this. If you directly stated it, she’d never call you back again.
Implication is a woefully powerful tool, my friend. Women use it on us all the time!
“And that second choice just doesn’t feel like you”
Here you are showing you really do have a good image of her but you still have some doubt. It doesn’t FEEL like her, but it might, alas and alack, still be true, much to your sorrow!
“So if you have some explanation and want to call, you can reach me at: 12345
Gives her an opportunity to do the desired behavior.
Now, I just recently used this again(it works about 60-70% of the time) and the woman left me a message falling all over herself apologizing, saying she hoped she was forgiven and really wanted to make it up to me.
It turned out her mother had gone into the hospital with a very
serious health challenge and that she was besides her self with
stress-that she was preparing to fly home to see her mother and her family but could I possibly see her in the next few days before she left town?
In this case, this fine young lady just got distracted by a nasty life event that would have distracted any one.
By using implication, by refraining from pushing, punishing or
pressuring, the sarge is now back on, with the proper frame set
that I put value on myself, don’t put up with crap, will walk away but also will be fair with her and give her a chance to prove to me that she really is a wonderful human being!
Does It Always Work?
Now, nothing works all the time. Remember the rule: when women act this way, we never know exactly what is going on.
When this kind of response that I just explained doesn’t work, you can be sure that nothing else would have worked either and you at least gave it your best shot. Remember, some of those 9 out of 10 reasons just can’t be addressed, fixed or handled other than walking away. So be it and so it is.
Hard Core Flakes: Hard Core Responses
Sometimes the flaking really gets in your face.
I’m not talking about not returning calls. Or a woman being
legitimately busy or have a legit emergency.
I’m talking about either: her calling at the last minute and
canceling with a very lame excuse.
Or: her not showing up for an agreed meeting and then not calling with a few hours with an explanation or apology, prior to you have any established history with her.
(Remember, context is everything. If you have already been intimate with her and are seeing her a few months and she suddenly doesn’t show up or call, probably something out of her control went wrong, and it’s probably more appropriate and ACCURATE to be genuinely worried about her! I am talking here about women you have just met and/or have not yet been physically intimate with)
Last Minute Canceling
In my experience, last minute canceling is pretty bad news. She
is almost always hiding something.
She either already has an involvement and is having serious second thoughts or she has something else going on that is embarrassing in nature that she just does not want to reveal.
Could be a drug problem.
Could be she’s on probation.
Maybe her pimp called her and told her tonight’s a “working” night.
Maybe her herpes simplex 9 has reached “United Nations sanctions levels” and she is being quarantined.
Hey,you never, NEVER know.
In those cases, just know you did your best and you are not going to get anywhere and should probably be glad about it.
But in about 25% of the cases, she’s just having some cold feet and you can get around it.
Here’s what you do when she calls:
“Hi dick, it’s Debby Dimshine. Sorry..I can’t make it. I have to wash my hair” or whatever lame-ass story she tells you.
Just go silent on her.
Don’t say anything.
“Hello? Are you there?”
Then say, “Look, we made plans and now you’re canceling on me at
the last minute.. I understand sometimes emergencies come up, but when people make plans with me, I expect them to keep them. I’ll always respect your time but I expect that same respect back. You call me when you know YOU CAN DO THAT.”
Then hang up.
The Very Subtle Implication At The Heart Of This
Now, this is pretty strong stuff. Little or no implication here. But you are still doing this without losing control; you are stating what is going on, you are stating your rules, you are offering to be fair about it and extend to her what you expect from her, and then you are telling her what she has to do next IF she is interested.
With this message, in this circumstance. it is ok to sound a little miffed. A bit pissed. A bit annoyed.
Because, in this case, you ought to be.
Your time is valuable(or should be). This person IS wasting your
time by disrespecting your scheduling and wasting time you could
have spent with others.
That IS legit cause for a legitimately self-respecting person to be a little pissed.
But notice, it isn’t about losing her.
It’s about losing your time. You have implied in this message that your time is very valuable by saying you expect her to respect it. You wouldn’t expect respect for something you yourself didn’t value.
You are implying that you value something more than you value her: always a challenge for women!
You didn’t say this directly.
You implied it. Subtly. You silver-tongued Speed Seducing devil!
Sometimes You Can’t “Win”
As the Chinese say, “If you can’t be grateful for what you’ve won, be grateful for what you’ve managed to avoid”.
Some women, my friend, are just not worth it.
Some women really are self-absorbed, live-in-the-moment, arrogant shit-heads and flakes and frankly we wouldn’t even look at them twice or put any importance on them if they didn’t come wrapped in pretty packaging.
Swiftly letting these kinds of women eliminate themselves from
your life is the best favor they could possibly do for you!
You need an arrogant, self-centered, flaky or deeply disturbed
woman like you need an inflamed pee pee-hole, my dear student!
Remember: set standards for the women who will compete to get into your bed. The man who is the most selective, paradoxically winds up having the best(if not the most) selections!
Peace and piece,
Aldy harold A.K.A VJ
P.S. Notice how what I’ve written here fits in with what I said in an earlier issue of this newsletter about compassion. Remember that whether that woman you want is pleasing you or frustrating you, ignoring or adoring you, she is still a human, like you. She came in the same way you did: naked baby. She will go out the same way you will: no more breathing. And in between those two events, whether she’s sweet as sugar or bitter as a bitch, she’s still just trying to figure it all out.
Compassion, neutrality, clarity and a sense of humor will power you a good way longer with people than bullying, begging, rage or sentiment.
So, rather than let uncertainty fuel fires that ought never be lit
in the first place, just admit you don’t know for sure what is going on.
Then get curious, get playful, consult your intuition, and give it your best shot with a sense of fun!
Doesn’t that make sense?