There’s a common saying in street fighting that 95% of all
real fights wind up in a clinch and go to the ground. Could that
really be true? Frankly, I don’t know. But I will say this: 95%
of the time, a woman will test you by the second date, or
sooner, to see:
1. If you’ll take her bullshit.
2. How hungry you are for her attention (remember: those who
look hungry, never get fed)
3. Just how much control she can exert over you and/or the
In this issue, I’d like to talk about how you can pass those
tests, and how to do some testing of your own. Believe me, this
is important. If you’ve ever been dumped for being “too nice”,
or have been told, time and again, “let’s just be friends”, it’s
because you haven’t learned to recognize when you’re being
tested or just haven’t yet learned how to properly respond. You
thought you would get points for being “co-operative” and
“helpful”, and instead you just got the fuzzy end of the
Why She Tests You: The Search For Strength And Certainty
Look: one of the primary things that women are looking for
from a man is security; the feeling that someone is stronger
than they are. When you put a woman in her place, when you set
rules and boundaries for her to follow, it lets her know she can
relax around you and feel comfortable and secure. This search
for strength is the single most important reason why she tests
you. The other factor is ambivalence, or what I call the “make
up my mind for me” syndrome.
You see, the sad reality is that often a woman just isn’t
that interested in you one way or another. Maybe you aren’t
exactly the physical type she goes for, maybe she just got
burned in a bad relationship, or there’s some unseen competitor
who she’s waiting to hear from. What ever her reasons, you can
tell this is happening when you hear something like, “Uh…well,
I’d like to go out with you Friday, but why don’t you call me
late Friday afternoon and I’ll let you know for sure?”
Finally, there is the fact that sometimes, modern women just
get overwhelmed with eighty billion things they are trying to do
at once. And, when overwhelmed, they flake on commitments that
occur during the peak of the overwhelm.
How To Handle It…Dealing From A Position Of Strength
To get back to street fighting analogies, there’s a concept
from Jeet Kun Do, the fighting style of the late, great Bruce
Lee that basically says that any weapon thrust your way, as part
of an attack is just a convenient target to be destroyed. Coming
from this perspective, an attack, rather than something to be
feared, is just an unprecedented opportunity to…. KICK THE
OTHER GUY’S ASS!!!!
Just so, a woman’s bullshit and tests are great
opportunities to establish respect and dramatically increase her
interest in you. In other words, your response to these tests,
instead of being, “Oh no.…why is she doing this? What did I do
wrong?”, from now on will be…. AH, HAH! A RESPECT
Look: your attitude has to be that every rude piece of
behavior, every silly test of hers is just an unprecedented
opportunity for you to establish respect, increase her interest,
and intensify her desire to please you. Taken from this
perspective, you’ll be mentally prepared, and may even find
yourself actually looking forward to her trying to pull shit,
since you know it’s your chance to get her really hot for
you!!!! Now, before we go on to some specific scenarios, let me
add one other thing: when you do put her in her place. …
IT’S GOT TO COME FROM THE RIGHT PLACE IN YOU!!!
In other words, the macho idiot who loses control and
trashes the place when his girlfriend comes home ten minutes
late is definitely not the example to follow. All he’s doing is
showing he can’t control himself and he just earns the woman’s
contempt. Notice I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t get a
little pissed. Just don’t go nutso with a stream of obscenities.
(Streams of obscenities are for afterwards, when you are in bed
The other thing that doesn’t work is acting like a hurt
little boy. Whining stuff like, “How could you do this to me?”
or, “But you promised!” won’t cut it, good buddy. No. You have
to come from the calm, but firm “take it or leave it” position.
This is all part of displaying the critically important………
WILLINGNESS TO WALK AWAY FROM HER!!!
You see, after years of experience and study, I’ve come to
the conclusion that a woman can only experience real passion for
you if on some level she believes she could do something to lose
you! Understand that when you show this willingness to walk
away, in any area of your life, it conveys the message that you
are the prize to be pursued, that you are the person of value,
and they had better take advantage of the opportunity. This is
an attitude that will move you forward in any area that’s
By way of contrast, if you show a non-stop, forever and ever
devotion to her, and put up with her crap and ambivalence, then
where is that tension of knowing she could lose you? Answer:
nowhere! And that’s why you get nowhere when you put up with
this kind of stuff! If you’ve seen an initially hot relationship
grow ice-cold, this is one big reason!!! Ok. On to some
Scenario one: You call to ask her out for the first time.
Her response is ambivalent, something like, “Well, I’d like to
but, why don’t you call me later in the week and….” Here’s
your response: “Let me ask you a question, point blank. Is going
out with me something you can take or leave or is it something
that you’re smart enough that you really want to do that?” Then
shut the hell up and listen for her answer.
Now, what are you doing here? You’re calling her on her
ambivalence and letting her know you don’t have time to be put
on hold. And you’re also suggesting she’s stupid if she doesn’t
grab this opportunity.
Finally, you’re embedding a command (about which much more
later in other issues of this newsletter) that she really does
want to go out with you. Will this work? Very often it does.
It’s not what she’s expecting, and that always gets attention.
Just be as matter of fact and non-hostile as you can.
Understatement works best with this one. What if she still
hesitates? Well, say this one: You: Look. You have my number,
and I’m going to leave it up to you. And you know, if you don’t
call it’s going to be a loss for me, but maybe what you won’t
realize until after you hang up is, that it’ll be a loss for you
as well. Ok? Bye.
Scenario Two: She calls and cancels at the last minute
without offering to do it again at some specific time. (I’ve
heard every excuse in the book, my friend, from “My parakeet is
sick” to “I’ve got to shampoo the rug”. Seriously)
Her: I can’t make it. I’ve got a rare tropical disease
that’s causing me to shrink by the hour.
You:(dead silence for as long as it takes for her to talk
again. Just say NOTHING!!!)
Her: Hello? Are you there? What’s wrong?
You: What’s wrong is I can’t believe the bullshit I’m
You: Look…you made a commitment to spend time with me and
now you’re blowing me off. You’re disrespecting me and
disrespecting my time and I’m NOT going to put up with it. My
rule is, if someone makes a commitment to me, I expect them to
keep it. If they can’t keep it, I need to know at least a day in
advance so I can make other plans. Got it? If you can live with
that rule, great…if not, sayonara!
Then, HANG UP!! Now, this may sound extreme, but man does it
work well!!! In fact, she’ll probably call back with five
minutes and apologize and ask you out!!! I’m not kidding here;
I’ve seen the hardest, jaded bitches go to giggly little girls,
eager to please me when I’ve done this. It throws some kind of
switch in their heads. I guess with some people, you don’t
really get their attention until…
You Give Them A Swift Kick In The Ass!!
Please note, I’m speaking of an attitude. I am NOT talking
about or in any way suggesting or condoning physical violence
with a woman. In fact, I am against the use or threat of the use
of violence or force against ANY human being, unless there is an
imminent threat of violence against yourself or a loved one. I
can’t make this too clear. I’m talking about using your mind,
NOT your fists.
Scenario Three: You go to pick her up at her place and she
either keeps you waiting outside for more than ten minutes, or
lets you in and then proceeds to talk on the phone for at least
that long while totally ignoring you. Wait for her to finish,
and as soon as she does say something like this:
YOU: Can I ask you a question?
YOU: Are you being intentionally rude to test me, or are you
just accidentally acting clueless?
HER:(mouth dropping open in shock, unable to say anything!)
YOU: Don’t ever keep me waiting like this again, ok? I’ll
always treat you respectfully, but I expect the same. Do you
The point is this: when women throw this stuff your way, you
want to do the unexpected. Don’t put up with it, like a “nice
guy” and don’t lose your temper like a jerk. Walk a middle
ground of strength, self-control AND self-respect, and these
tests will become opportunities to power her straight into your
And that certainly beats a poke in the eye, doesn’t it?
‘Til next time,